BUILDING BRIDGES AMONG PEOPLE

BUILDING BRIDGES AMONG PEOPLE

Stella Bassey Esirah  

As we interact with one another in a diverse and growing community, conflict is normally inevitable. The causes of conflicts are as complicated as we human beings. Sometimes, the root cause of a particular conflict is unknown. Any form of conflict makes an unpleasant setting and creates a stage that can propel us to the brink. This is capable of weakening the stability of our corporate existence as peers and colleagues who once lived in peace and harmony.

The human person is endowed with the gift of freedom. This enables us to choose either to be held hostage by the negative pull of conflict, by accepting it and do nothing, or choose to find out a way out, and say yes to intelligent and civil co-existence. At the heart of our ability to recover and learn from conflict, is the value we place on our relationships. Accepting our difference, acknowledging what we have contributed to the conflict and being willing to take responsibility or apologize for what we have done or not done, creates an opportunity for finding common grounds in peace building.

Common grounds enable us to learn how to resolve our differences in a way and manner that respect our individual dignity. Learning how to disagree in a reflective way can raise our consciousness and give us the language to approach conflict as a catalyst to evolve as a community instead of being stagnated by it. Thus, the onus in ensuring an intelligent and civil co-existence lies on everyone. It is through building bridges between people that we can sustain effective working relationships. Let me quickly state that, an individual who builds bridges among people is a mediator. He/she more or less, performs the role of a mediator. Mediation is a confidential and voluntary process providing parties an informal opportunity to resolve or learn how to effectively manage disputes. Disputes are resolved in a timely manner and mediation works because the process.

-                      Encourages parties to collaborate and find common grounds;

-                      Acknowledges and responds to both the objective and subjective factors of a dispute;

-                      Focuses on both the future and the past;

-                      Equalizes power differences

-                      Facilitates creative solutions and agreements acceptable by all parties;

-                      Places the responsibility on the parties to decide the outcome and

-                      Encourages Dialogue

Some roles, a mediator or an individual engaged in building bridges between warring parties include, taking a position of impartiality, having no vested interest in the outcome of a dispute between parties. The mediator as well as the parties can set the ground rules before the process begins. The ground rules are especially important because they establish and identify the expected behavior of all parties. The ground rules set the tone for a productive conversation and opportunity to resolve the conflict.

Another pivotal role of the mediator is to listen and help the parties identify the underlying causes of the conflict and how they would like to resolve or manage it. The agreements and outcome are decided by the parties involved. The role of the mediator is to reduce obstacles to communication, assist in identifying issues, exploring alternatives, facilitating voluntary agreements and resolving the disputes. The ultimate decision making authority rests solely with the participants. A mediator will not determine who is “right” or “wrong.” The mediator must be patient, dignified, and courteous during mediation. The mediator must conduct mediation in an even-handed and balanced manner. The mediator must promote mutual respect among the participants throughout the process and encourage the participants to conduct themselves in a collaborative, non-coercive, and non-adversarial manner.

There are some points or factors that the mediator must necessarily bear in mind as he/she undertakes the role of building bridges between parties:

-                      Listen: By listening, he/she gets to know the root (cause) of the conflict and can offer corresponding solution for effective dialogue.

-                      Emphasize: in order to understand someone else’s feelings especially from past experiences of conflict resolution.

-                      Affirm the situation: No condition is permanent. The mediator should be able to affirm the situation by staying the middle course.

-                      Direct them in such a way that they will be able to negotiate and resolve conflicts in the future.

-                      Refer: Sensitivity, if it is something that cannot be handled, the mediator must immediately refer to a professional.

-                      There must be a level of understanding between the mediator and the parties involved.

We must bear in mind that, the individual’s decision making process is not independent of the standards of the society. That process is usually controlled by what is called mores. These mores are usually ‘unwritten sanctions’ and customs which have emotional glow and  enforces any particular way of life by controlling approvals or disapprovals that are very powerful. Being unwritten, they are simply part of the way we think, and are not easily subject to discussion. And being part of the way we think, they have great emotion and impact on all we see.

The individual's anticipation of the group's approval is the foundation of moral obligation and the approval or disapproval which admits no compromise and therefore no confusion of standards. This means that the purpose of our lives and our decisions is ultimately the salvation of others. Not that we can save them but that they can find ultimate happiness/salvation with the help of our decisions. All true obedience is meant to point to God and this is what a mediator would want to achieve.

In our society today who is a bridge builder or mediator? In our society today, more is said than done. Therefore, a mediator must bear in mind that truth is as clear as a bell if it is proclaimed with courage. What the world today needs is fewer rules and more good examples, since a peaceful and clear conscience is the best sleeping pill (Viktor Emil Frankl). It is imperative that, a bridge-builder, a mediator in conflict resolution should apply the conflict of unconditional love between parties at loggerheads. The love has to be ingrained in the nature of the mediator. This must be portrayed during the cause of conflict resolution to manifest how valuable and therapeutic a well handled situation can be.  

Sr. Dr. Stella Bassey Esirah HHCJ is a Lecturer and Head of Department of Philosophy at St. Joseph Catholic Major Seminary, Ikot Ekpene, Akwa Ibom State (esirah@hotmail.com)