WHAT MY FATHER TOLD ME ABOUT INTEGRITY

WHAT MY FATHER TOLD ME ABOUT INTEGRITY

Cornelius Afebu Omonokhua

  

OKHIFO OMONOKHUA, Father of Cornelius 

 

The rays had just left the sun and the earth had just turned to receive the radiant beam some time ago.  Fear and horror had followed the abyss of the dreadful dusk of the night. This was really one of the best mornings when the mind was so fresh, relaxed and the heart was aglow with joy. It was the best time to go and say na’egbia (good morning) to Baba, my dear father. The feeling of becoming a man was already deep in me having just graduated from College and looking forward to the next stage of life. Many of my colleagues were rushing already to Ajaokuta to seek employment in the Iron and steel factory. My father Okhifo thought I was having a similar intention and perhaps waiting for me to introduce the topic. The old man welcomed me to his room even though my knocking at the door must have caused his early rising from bed.

He received my greetings so warmly but expected me to say more to him. I stood still and gazed at his yearning eyes but I had nothing else to tell him except to ask which of the farms we would be going that day. Very unusual of my father, he was not full of the enthusiasm of going to farm that day. He needed to spend some time with me. I could imagine. That morning was really graciously different from the past ones. He requested me to sit on the chair. I was apprehensive of what was going on. It was going to be a conversation that would serve like a compass for me to traverse the ocean of life towards the shore of success. He meant to turn me around from a youthful level into an adult with integrity. Yes that day was marked with the voice of an elder with the extraordinary words of the sages akin to the biblical wisdom literature.   

My father cleared his voice and began his narrative wise counsel or should I call it a rendition of the unwritten ancient poems of the African ancestors. He bagan, “My son, I have been waiting to hear from you what you intend to do with your life now that you are out of college. I was actually expecting you this early morning as you normally do to receive your salutation. Today, I really have many things to tell you because it is now obvious that you are now becoming an adult. You see, my son, life is really beautiful but human rivalry and unhealthy competition often clouds the joy of life. But one thing is sure and certain, if you allow your brothers and sisters to share in your joy, you save your heart from numerous troubles. If you allow the light of others to shine, your light will forever shine and no one will be able to switch it off because good is an eternal fruit that good people harvest for themselves and their progeny. Receive visitors and strangers warmly before asking them where they come from and the religion they practice. In those days, the ancestors do visit the earth in the form of human beings. Take care of your visitor like an Angel (Esi) for you never can tell who God’s own messager is”.

My father continued, “There are values you must never contend with your detractors. May no one take from you what belongs to you but ensure that you do not rob a person of a legitimate right and gift from God! Save your energy for the future but work and walk in the right path that our good ancestors are revered for. Do not be in a hurry to be rich except to be rich in the knowledge of truth and what gives happiness to the community. Respect the power of a woman and never take any woman for granted. If you sleep with one woman, you have slept with all the women in the world so the lust after women drains the energy of a noble man. Never fight over a woman with any man. A wife is created from heaven so if a man elopes with the woman you claim to be the love of your life, the woman was never yours. If she is your God given love (uyemhe), she will come back to you. We came into the world through a woman; make sure you do not return to the ancestors through the same process. Lust has been recorded as one of the reasons for the fall of some kings, heroes and great people of substance”.

Never fight over a title or position with any body. Kingship and positions are made from heaven. Many who desire kingship by all means or leadership positions by all means very often betray themselves if they do not have the interest of the people in their hearts. Greedy people often end up in shame, misery and unpredictable death. Honorable life gives a good name that is better than silver and gold. Live in such a way that when you die, your children will find favour with those who had contact with you. A smile is therapeutic. The best way to heal a broken heart is to put a smile on his face. Do not deny any body any thing that you can afford. Let the hungry have life by sharing your food with them because a hungry person is an angry person. Show that there is meaning in life by alleviating the pains and suffering of the downtrodden.  Do not fight over ownership of land with any body. Remember that our final share of the earth is the   grave. I am yet to see a person who can sleep in two rooms at the same time. Many of the things that kill some people prematurely are things we can do without. Some of the properties we acquire on earth can become sources of war and discord for our children. 

Some people will be jealous of your gifts and talents so do not worry when some people question the good things that you merit and deserve. Every body can not be happy with your progress. A time will come when your success will make some people sad. While you celebrate some people will be angry and even desire to kill you. When these happen know that you are arriving at the zenith of success. It is only men and women of honour that people talk about. As my father was talking, I remember the statement of Williams Shakespeare that when beggars die there is no comment but the heavens blaze forth the death of princes. The deeds and actions of inconsequential people do not make news.  According to my father, the more people despise and insult you, the more you should rate your relevance in the world but do not be over ambitious.

What my father told me has become my road map and action plan in life. I have come to realize that everything some people achieve in life must be attended by challenges and questions. My father and my mother succeeded in debriefing me of the terrible memories that could have affected my mental and intellectual growth. This has helped me to accommodate the reality that whatever happens in life has a message from God.  Almost all the deprivations of some people have turned out to be their school to learn the value of integrity and character building. My present awareness has infused in me the true meaning of wisdom that is beyond what is acquired in school. That the content of integrity is honesty, truthfulness, consistency and accuracy of action is what every parent must teach a child in words and actions. The opposite of integrity is hypocrisy and a father who is not honest and true in his dealings with others sow in his children the weapon of destruction. 

It is sad and unfortunate that today, some parents do not have time for their children. Some children today receive their first lessons from the house helps, drivers and gardeners. Some children hardly see their father who leaves the house for work before they get out of bed and return from work when the children are already in bed enjoying the honey dew of slumber.  Some children who are thrown into the streets to beg for alms for self sustenance could be potential terrorists.  When a Father is close to the children, they stand the chance to building a better world and a grace filled future. I pray that every father may cherish the value of parenting and support for the children. 

Fr. Prof. Cornelius Afebu Omonokhua is the Director of Mission and Dialogue of the Catholic Secretariat of Nigeria, Abuja and Consultor of the Commission for Religious Relations with Muslims (C.R.R.M), Vatican City